Closed Door

Monday, November 10, 2014

Part 56

Dear Diary, 

I didn’t almost shoot Cal, I did shoot him.  He keeps saying it was barely a knick but I can hardly stand to be in the same room with him.  If I’m not doing something like cooking or cleaning or something that helps keep part of my attention, I just start shaking.  I can’t just sit and relax anywhere near him.  I feel so bad.  On top of all the other things I’m feeling the sheer enormity of what I did, what I almost did makes my chest feel like it is about to cave in. 

He keeps trying to talk to me about it but I can’t, not now, maybe not ever.  Maybe this is God’s way of warning me off, reminding me just what a disaster everything I have touched seems to eventually turn into.


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