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Thursday, July 24, 2014

Part 9

Dear Diary, 

If I could get down on my knees in prayer and praise I would.  God will understand I think and know that I am kneeling in my mind even if I’m not with my body.  That I’m dancing and singing in my heart, even if my feet can’t move like that right now. 

I didn’t know if this day would ever come.  I got to hold Feena today.  And she is the most beautiful baby in the world. 

Cal and Lily took pictures.  They’ve been taking pictures for me all along I just didn’t know it.  It was Cal’s idea when he realized I didn’t know whether to believe them or not that Feena lived.  Lily is a really good artist and it is almost like one of those really, really expensive baby books that all the stars have done of their kids.   

I couldn’t hold her for long.  The little monitor that she is attached to started beeping and it scared me really bad but the doctor explained that it is actually a good sign that Feena gets excited when I hold her.  Somehow, even though we’ve been forced to be apart for so long she knows who I am.  Is it my smell?  Is it the sound of my heart beat?  Maybe a little angel whispered it in her ear.  I don’t know and I’m not sure it matters.  All I know is that she knows me.  She knows I’m her momma.  And it is the best feeling in the world.

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