If I could get down on my knees in prayer and praise I would. God will understand I think and know that I am kneeling in my mind even if I’m not with my body. That I’m dancing and singing in my heart, even if my feet can’t move like that right now.
I didn’t know if this day would ever come. I got to hold Feena today. And she is the most beautiful baby in the world.
Cal and Lily took pictures. They’ve been taking pictures for me all along I just didn’t know it. It was Cal’s idea when he realized I didn’t know whether to believe them or not that Feena lived. Lily is a really good artist and it is almost like one of those really, really expensive baby books that all the stars have done of their kids.
I couldn’t hold her for long. The little monitor that she is attached to started beeping and it scared me really bad but the doctor explained that it is actually a good sign that Feena gets excited when I hold her. Somehow, even though we’ve been forced to be apart for so long she knows who I am. Is it my smell? Is it the sound of my heart beat? Maybe a little angel whispered it in her ear. I don’t know and I’m not sure it matters. All I know is that she knows me. She knows I’m her momma. And it is the best feeling in the world.