Closed Door

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Part 3

Dear Diary, 

Glory, glory, glory!!  Best week in a long, long time.  Daniel has been released from the hospital after being in there almost two weeks.  They cleared his system, took him off the pain killers, and got him into outpatient therapy.  I can’t even pretend to know what soldiers go through; Daniel refuses to talk to me about it.  He says it’s not a fit topic of conversation in my condition. 

My condition?  Five months and all is well.  Praise the Lord!  I’ve been here before but I was alone because Daniel was overseas.  After the accident I used to wake up several times a night believing I heard my little boy baby that was taken from me and he was crying and crying and crying.  Doesn’t happen so often now.  I try not and dwell on it.  I know the baby is in Heaven and one day I’ll see him, hold him.  I have to believe that. 

Maybe it was best my in-laws told the doctors that I didn’t want to see the baby.  I know they were just trying to protect me.  I was a mental and physical mess at that point.  Things were really bad and I don’t know what I would have done without them.  I know they weren’t really happy about Daniel getting married right out of high school but they have really stepped up to the plate.  With my family being mostly all gone I’m really thankful for Daniel’s. 

But there isn’t a grave for me to put flowers on in remembrance.  And most people act like the baby never even existed.  No one ever says anything.  I guess they are trying to be nice but I’d rather hurt with someone mourning his loss with me than to be as alone in these feelings as I am.  But enough of that, this was a good week and I should be thankful. 

I wish I had known sooner what was going on; I could have worked with the doctors to help Daniel.  I think I would have understood how he was acting better, not taken it so personally and letting it affect me so much.  Not done things that probably made him worse.  Maybe I would have noticed I wasn’t handling what I was going through very well either. 

Daniel and I went to couple’s counseling at Celebrate Recovery night before last.  He’s also in group therapy at the VA.  And for the first time since his letters stopped he said, “I love you Aria.”

1 comment:

  1. I think I see the "evil In-Laws" sneaking into this story.
    Thanks Kathy